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American Idioms to Live and Possibly Die By

American Idioms to Live and Possibly Die By

S

Life is filled with decisions, thousands of daily micro-decisions we don't even realize we're making, that's how ingrained they are in our routines. I am probably a rare bird in that I really do take time to reflect on my choices; I think about the Colombian coffee farmers who might have harvested my beans under duress because I wouldn't pony up for the Fair Trade Certified kind, which was $1 more, but coffee is already so marked up as it is, and I can put that $1 toward just enough HBO time to watch Big Little Lies before canceling it, and telling no one...but I realize not everyone can expend that much mental energy so ineffectually.

I'm generally depleted by the time any big decision comes my way; my moral compass is depolarized and my intuition is "resting its eyes." I can't trust my own judgment. I need to share the blame when it all goes to shit. Enter the paper fortune teller. I'm kidding. They've really enforced that ban on time traveling 12 year olds from the nineties. Instead, I call upon the idioms I've heard over and over that could only still be in circulation if they were universally regarded as correct.

When you find yourself at a crossroad ... a crossroads (?) an intersection, why agonize when you can rationalize?

Life is short, buy the shoes. But make sure those shoes will appreciate in value in case “short” is longer than you planned for or your new no-health insurance doesn’t cover the cost of your medications.

It’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. Unless you are a petty drug criminal, in which case you’ll do a mandatory minimum sentence for the rest of your life, no matter how much begging you do.

Go with your gut. Unless it’s an important decision with real consequences that should be carefully considered, like a blow up doll becoming president. You should also aim to alter your natural gut flora as much as possible with capsules of bacteria you can buy on layaway at Whole Foods.

Strike when the iron is hot. Unless a rash decision could lead to two full-blown wars, trillions of dollars of debt and probably ISIS.

YOLO. Unless YOLML (Multiple Lives) and your actions are echoed seven lifetimes over because someone finally discovered that we are living in a video game designed by programmers from the future.

I'm at 56 poorly researched but swiftly made decisions and counting.

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